Friday, September 11, 2009
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
It's all different now...
I have been going through a lot of changes lately.
Some of these changes have scared me and caused me to become rather anxious. However I have embraced the changes because I am consciously aware that change is necessary for growth.
Change is growth.
I have been a person that has constantly been trying to find a place of balance between my physical world and my spiritual world. I would always focus more on one than the other.
The spiritual has always had much more of my attention because I have always found it easier. A natural draw I guess.
They physical world I have had a harder time with. Mostly because I feel that how it's run and controlled causes too much conflict and oppression.
I have also spent much of my life consumed with the idea of being in love.
I've been putting my life in balance and removing myself from the old patterns.
I have come to find out that it doesn't have to change who I am to make that happen, which is nice.
I have a bleeding heart for love and what it represents to me.....and I've accepted that it'll happen....or it won't...either way I'm good with the love I have in my life on the daily. lol.
I'm free. I move on from things so much easier and quicker. I don't hold on to things that are unnecessary.
I am changing my life with every though I conceive and with every breath I take...
Some of these changes have scared me and caused me to become rather anxious. However I have embraced the changes because I am consciously aware that change is necessary for growth.
Change is growth.
I have been a person that has constantly been trying to find a place of balance between my physical world and my spiritual world. I would always focus more on one than the other.
The spiritual has always had much more of my attention because I have always found it easier. A natural draw I guess.
They physical world I have had a harder time with. Mostly because I feel that how it's run and controlled causes too much conflict and oppression.
I have also spent much of my life consumed with the idea of being in love.
I've been putting my life in balance and removing myself from the old patterns.
I have come to find out that it doesn't have to change who I am to make that happen, which is nice.
I have a bleeding heart for love and what it represents to me.....and I've accepted that it'll happen....or it won't...either way I'm good with the love I have in my life on the daily. lol.
I'm free. I move on from things so much easier and quicker. I don't hold on to things that are unnecessary.
I am changing my life with every though I conceive and with every breath I take...
Saturday, August 8, 2009
8/8/09
I am ending my very recent relationship. I feel that it isn't right. To be honest I don't feel that a relationship is right, for me, anymore.
When I say anymore I get this feeling of dread, that I am really only lying to myself, but I can't help it.
I almost feel like my heart is beyond repair at this point. That some how I have become so detached emotionally, that I don't even know what love feels like when it is in front of me.
When I say anymore I get this feeling of dread, that I am really only lying to myself, but I can't help it.
I almost feel like my heart is beyond repair at this point. That some how I have become so detached emotionally, that I don't even know what love feels like when it is in front of me.
Thursday, August 6, 2009
8/6/09
I don't feel that I've made a mistake with accepting the invitation to be boyfriends with Him. But I do wonder, if it's what I want anymore.
I feel that without realizing it, I became comfortable with being single. I had gotten comfortable not having someone in my life to share life with and I was good with that.
So now I am in a relationship where I find myself falling in love - but at the same time wondering if this is what I want anymore. Have I really grown out of wanting a relationship?
I feel that without realizing it, I became comfortable with being single. I had gotten comfortable not having someone in my life to share life with and I was good with that.
So now I am in a relationship where I find myself falling in love - but at the same time wondering if this is what I want anymore. Have I really grown out of wanting a relationship?
Monday, August 3, 2009
8/3/09
So...its official. I'm falling for Him....I haven't done this.. or felt like this.. since I can't even remember.
Shit...
oh.. ps... I'm officially an Uncle :)
Shit...
oh.. ps... I'm officially an Uncle :)
Friday, July 31, 2009
7/31/09
Last night before bed I felt the urge to pull a card from my tarot deck. The card pulled was the "Death" card. 
Now - the rule is when you see the Death card it does not actually mean a physical death, but it can mean a death or a pattern or change into something.
Then this morning when I wake up, I walk the dogs like I usually do, and I stumble upon this:
The day just started its so full of symbolism.
Now - the rule is when you see the Death card it does not actually mean a physical death, but it can mean a death or a pattern or change into something.
Then this morning when I wake up, I walk the dogs like I usually do, and I stumble upon this:
The day just started its so full of symbolism.
Thursday, July 30, 2009
7/30/09
Okay...so for the past couple of nights I've been having dreams. I remember my dreams, which is nice. Last night it was about a group of friends that all had special abilities and then came together to cause change to happen. It s beautiful and wonderful and made me feel good.
The night that I became sick which was Tuesday night I dreamed of 3 vampires draining the energy from me. Only for the dream to be more specific and the vampires turned out to be my co-workers. Pulling the energy from me. I'm not really happy about this.
Apparently the stones I wear protect me from energy invading me - but not from energy being taken. Right now I'm just working on getting my license for massage so I can ge
t out of that place.I have been reading a book on creation lately. It actually takes Jewish Mysticism and breaks it down - for it to be understood as clearly as one can understand something so ancient. It has really taken my mind by storm. Its actually quite the puzzle piece I've needed or I should say asked for.
Monday, July 27, 2009
7/27/09
Man! Did I have some wierd dreams last night. I remember them, just not clearly. I should have written them down....damn. Next time.
Well Saturday I went out with Black Cunty Woman and we went to "Town". Had a GREAT time! We danced, they played our favorite songs, and I met....let me think of a name to give him. We'll just call him, "Him" until I think of something.
The whole situation is quite funny. BCW and I were watching the Drag show (which was very good by the way) and I see Him standing on the opposite side of us. I was like wow. Then he looks over at me and I turn my head really fast to avoid eye contact. Haha. I'm shy! Well sorta'. Anyway.. It was that whole eye contact game through out the duration of the drag show. There was a smile thrown in there just to show that we liked what we saw of each other.
After the drag show I went over and I introduced myself to him. Then from there the 3 of us danced the night away and had a great time. Him and I exchanged phone numbers and had our first date last night.
It was surprising. I was worried things were going to be tense, etc. But it was very easy and casual. We both just went off our instincts and things flowed naturally. Conversation was good, the movie was good, and even after the movie we went and watched airplanes take off and land.
While we were sitting on the grass (and getting bit by mosquitoes, lol) a little Indian girl came over and looked at both of us, smiled, giggled and then ran back to her parents; totally adorable.
He then drove me home, then I got in my car and had him follow me back to the 395 so he wouldn't get lost.
It was a very good evening. BCW and I are talking about making Sunday nights our nights for T.V. and dinner. I'm thinking ever so often I'll bring Him (if she doesn't mind of course.). Now I need to brush up on my spanish....damnit..
Well Saturday I went out with Black Cunty Woman and we went to "Town". Had a GREAT time! We danced, they played our favorite songs, and I met....let me think of a name to give him. We'll just call him, "Him" until I think of something.
The whole situation is quite funny. BCW and I were watching the Drag show (which was very good by the way) and I see Him standing on the opposite side of us. I was like wow. Then he looks over at me and I turn my head really fast to avoid eye contact. Haha. I'm shy! Well sorta'. Anyway.. It was that whole eye contact game through out the duration of the drag show. There was a smile thrown in there just to show that we liked what we saw of each other.
After the drag show I went over and I introduced myself to him. Then from there the 3 of us danced the night away and had a great time. Him and I exchanged phone numbers and had our first date last night.
It was surprising. I was worried things were going to be tense, etc. But it was very easy and casual. We both just went off our instincts and things flowed naturally. Conversation was good, the movie was good, and even after the movie we went and watched airplanes take off and land.
While we were sitting on the grass (and getting bit by mosquitoes, lol) a little Indian girl came over and looked at both of us, smiled, giggled and then ran back to her parents; totally adorable.
He then drove me home, then I got in my car and had him follow me back to the 395 so he wouldn't get lost.
It was a very good evening. BCW and I are talking about making Sunday nights our nights for T.V. and dinner. I'm thinking ever so often I'll bring Him (if she doesn't mind of course.). Now I need to brush up on my spanish....damnit..
Friday, July 24, 2009
7/24/09
So last night I had a couple crazy dreams. But the only one that really sticks in my head is about an S&M party and a gay who has a large barbell piercing through his scrotum and testicles. He seemed to enjoy it, but at that point in the dream I woke up because I couldn't believe it.
Yesterday I also decided to cut the cords to 3 men I have allowed access to my life that slowly started to become a poison to me in their own way.
The first I allowed in many many months ago. The only problem is our timing has always been off, he has never been sure about me, and it has become this push me/pull you type of scenario and I can't really keep up. It isn't good for me to want someone and then not have them. The other thing is that he is only out to part of his family and the rest don't know. So I could never fully have him.
The Second guy I met back in April and that just had toxic written all over it. I was pulled to him for some odd reason only to have the situation turn my world upside down. He went from being someone very sweet to someone frigid and cold. He calls us friends yet I haven't seen him in over a month and the only time I hear from him is when he needs something.
The Third guy is a very sweet guy with good intentions and honestly I feel like all he really wants is to be loved. To have someone he can trust and be with. The only thing is, is that when I explained to him and spoke to him about where I was with my emotional situation and various things, he listened for the moment. But now that things didn't work out he takes everything I say (that isn't even directed at him or the situation between the two of us) and misconstrues it and has tried many times to blame me and state that I used him and he was a rebound.
I don't need someone in my life to make me feel bad about my life. I can do that on my own. I don't use people. I explain to people my situation and if they choose to proceed with or without caution, that is their decision. So based off of THEIR decision whatever happens is not my fault. It is a result of their interaction.
After releasing these three people I feel a sense of relief. I feel like I can finally continue living and it's a very blissful feeling. I know that all three of them have good intentions and are good people, they just have certain wants and certain obstacles they are working through. I wish nothing but the best for them and that they find what they are looking for.
Yesterday I also decided to cut the cords to 3 men I have allowed access to my life that slowly started to become a poison to me in their own way.
The first I allowed in many many months ago. The only problem is our timing has always been off, he has never been sure about me, and it has become this push me/pull you type of scenario and I can't really keep up. It isn't good for me to want someone and then not have them. The other thing is that he is only out to part of his family and the rest don't know. So I could never fully have him.
The Second guy I met back in April and that just had toxic written all over it. I was pulled to him for some odd reason only to have the situation turn my world upside down. He went from being someone very sweet to someone frigid and cold. He calls us friends yet I haven't seen him in over a month and the only time I hear from him is when he needs something.
The Third guy is a very sweet guy with good intentions and honestly I feel like all he really wants is to be loved. To have someone he can trust and be with. The only thing is, is that when I explained to him and spoke to him about where I was with my emotional situation and various things, he listened for the moment. But now that things didn't work out he takes everything I say (that isn't even directed at him or the situation between the two of us) and misconstrues it and has tried many times to blame me and state that I used him and he was a rebound.
I don't need someone in my life to make me feel bad about my life. I can do that on my own. I don't use people. I explain to people my situation and if they choose to proceed with or without caution, that is their decision. So based off of THEIR decision whatever happens is not my fault. It is a result of their interaction.
After releasing these three people I feel a sense of relief. I feel like I can finally continue living and it's a very blissful feeling. I know that all three of them have good intentions and are good people, they just have certain wants and certain obstacles they are working through. I wish nothing but the best for them and that they find what they are looking for.
Saturday, July 18, 2009
7/18/09
I'm lagging in my updates apparently. June 28th was my last post? Goodness.
Well let me see.... I have started at my new store, which has been fabulous. I have officially closed the door to Golden Boy. I'm tired of making myself miserable. I did try to begin something with "Keys" (is what I'll call him). But my feelings for Golden Boy got in the way and now Keys will probably be a very good friend.
So I am in negotiations with a close friend of mine about an apartment. We are thinking September time line for a 2bed 1 or 2 bath apt. I am grateful because I'll be able to practice and meditate in my own space. I miss the smell of Sage burning or my incense mixture of Frankincense/Myrrh/Copal/ Arabic Gum...such yummy temple sweetness.
You know I don't even know what I'm thinking in regards to dating. Sometimes I wonder if I've been doing all this because I was hurt pretty badly by someone a couple of months ago. We talk now and things are good, but still. It leaves me wondering.
I have decided my next post is going to be a tarot spread. I've been talking about this for awhile. I will be doing a one a day tarot card. I have to get on the ball. They have been calling my attention lately. So its quite possibly the right time to do so.
:) I am in a good state of mind right now, I've missed feeling so clear and level headed.
Well let me see.... I have started at my new store, which has been fabulous. I have officially closed the door to Golden Boy. I'm tired of making myself miserable. I did try to begin something with "Keys" (is what I'll call him). But my feelings for Golden Boy got in the way and now Keys will probably be a very good friend.
So I am in negotiations with a close friend of mine about an apartment. We are thinking September time line for a 2bed 1 or 2 bath apt. I am grateful because I'll be able to practice and meditate in my own space. I miss the smell of Sage burning or my incense mixture of Frankincense/Myrrh/Copal/ Arabic Gum...such yummy temple sweetness.
You know I don't even know what I'm thinking in regards to dating. Sometimes I wonder if I've been doing all this because I was hurt pretty badly by someone a couple of months ago. We talk now and things are good, but still. It leaves me wondering.
I have decided my next post is going to be a tarot spread. I've been talking about this for awhile. I will be doing a one a day tarot card. I have to get on the ball. They have been calling my attention lately. So its quite possibly the right time to do so.
:) I am in a good state of mind right now, I've missed feeling so clear and level headed.
Sunday, June 28, 2009
I feel like I can't keep up...
Last night my friend CuntyBlackWoman went out to a club. We had a few drinks, enjoyed the music, enjoyed the eye candy of naked men dancing about. (Honestly nudity doesn't bother me - it was more fun to see the old guys oogle like wolves at a chicken coop at the naked men. They didn't do nothing for me.)
I had a great time but I have come to discover that alcohol, when I drink, causes me to go into a down ward spiral or depressed funk. So I will be putting a hault on that fun train; but I will still dance :).
Today I have been mulling things over in my head and I've come to a conclusion. I am tired. My heart can't keep up anymore.
I feel that I may be, sadly, reaching that point to where I really don't care if and possibly don't want love to happen for me. After meeting Golden Boy I honestly felt like he was it; or, IS it.
A big part of me still believes it to be true. How long though till I find out? I mean according to my dreams and the visions I have, he is it. But how much of what I see is objective and subjective? Where does the line blur between truth and desire?
I am officially wiped out. Love - do what you will.
I had a great time but I have come to discover that alcohol, when I drink, causes me to go into a down ward spiral or depressed funk. So I will be putting a hault on that fun train; but I will still dance :).
Today I have been mulling things over in my head and I've come to a conclusion. I am tired. My heart can't keep up anymore.
I feel that I may be, sadly, reaching that point to where I really don't care if and possibly don't want love to happen for me. After meeting Golden Boy I honestly felt like he was it; or, IS it.
A big part of me still believes it to be true. How long though till I find out? I mean according to my dreams and the visions I have, he is it. But how much of what I see is objective and subjective? Where does the line blur between truth and desire?
I am officially wiped out. Love - do what you will.
Saturday, June 27, 2009
I can be your ocean, I can be your sea
I can soothe your sorrows, should you lay down with me
When you sleep next to me
Is when my magic begins
I can soothe your heart aches and heal your broken dreams..
My body next to yours with meld in between your seams..
You won't want to protect yourself as I caress your skin
For in your heart you know, you want to allow me in..
To access the deepest parts of your soul..
That know one has touched for years
I will hold you as you release your tears
I can look into your beautiful eyes and see eternity...
If I was not bound by my human body I would be forever in your serenity..
I can soothe your sorrows, should you lay down with me
When you sleep next to me
Is when my magic begins
I can soothe your heart aches and heal your broken dreams..
My body next to yours with meld in between your seams..
You won't want to protect yourself as I caress your skin
For in your heart you know, you want to allow me in..
To access the deepest parts of your soul..
That know one has touched for years
I will hold you as you release your tears
I can look into your beautiful eyes and see eternity...
If I was not bound by my human body I would be forever in your serenity..
6/27/09 pt 2
I have left out some pretty vital info on Golden Boy. The only problem is that I can't really say much about what is going on because of how personal and deep it has all gotten.
BUT! I will say this.. I'm not gonna give up. There are some things..that were recently revealed to me and I need to stay the course. No matter how treacherous. I'll just have to find things to distract myself with.....that's the hard part. Hah!
BUT! I will say this.. I'm not gonna give up. There are some things..that were recently revealed to me and I need to stay the course. No matter how treacherous. I'll just have to find things to distract myself with.....that's the hard part. Hah!
6/27/09
Okay...so here is what I am going to start doing with my blog.
I'd like to make it a little more interesting. So I'll be taking questions about love and other topics from those that read. I will then in turn offer some opinion and or advice on the subject matter. I will also throw in a tarot reading at the beginning of the week. The beginning of a week will start on a Monday :). So if your out there and you are reading this...please feel free to reply to this posting with any questions, comments, or topics you would like to have addressed.
-Love and Light ;)
I'd like to make it a little more interesting. So I'll be taking questions about love and other topics from those that read. I will then in turn offer some opinion and or advice on the subject matter. I will also throw in a tarot reading at the beginning of the week. The beginning of a week will start on a Monday :). So if your out there and you are reading this...please feel free to reply to this posting with any questions, comments, or topics you would like to have addressed.
-Love and Light ;)
Thursday, June 25, 2009
To Tweet or not To Tweet...
So I've recently started a tweet. My tag on there is UniversalHealer ;) follow me if you'd like :)
Monday, June 15, 2009
6/14/09
Last night I saw Golden Boy. I honestly wanted to fall apart when I saw him.
My heart sunk into my stomach and then shot up into the sky. There are no words that could ever come close to how this man can cause me to feel into depths of my soul that I didn't even know I had.
I'm in love unlike anything I've ever experienced. I am finally for the first time in my life in love with a person, for that person. Not because I want to be in a relationship or because I don't want to be alone. It's because I want him.
It pushes me emotionally. Drives my blood racing through every part of my physical being. He causes my soul to ascend into realms of this Universe that I wasn't even sure existed. With him I feel like all things and anything is possible. There are no limits.
I feel like now, that I've found him, there is no one and nothing else. The only problem is he feels that he can't be with me. As I understand it, it has to do with him not allowing himself to be with anyone because of previous damage. He's afraid that he will destroy himself because of what happened last time he was in a relationship.
What frustrates me is I know that should he open himself to me, it would be the exact relationship he and I have always wanted.
Last night was incredible and frustrating. It was perfect and it was passionate. I could kiss him forever and hold him till my physical body gave way.
He and I both very stubborn but in complimentary ways. I won't let him get away with shit and he won't allow me to get away with shit. It would actually be funny to watch.
Something that I feel tears me apart though...is that if anyone.. saw us together... they would be moved to tears and smile... that I can feel...
My heart sunk into my stomach and then shot up into the sky. There are no words that could ever come close to how this man can cause me to feel into depths of my soul that I didn't even know I had.
I'm in love unlike anything I've ever experienced. I am finally for the first time in my life in love with a person, for that person. Not because I want to be in a relationship or because I don't want to be alone. It's because I want him.
It pushes me emotionally. Drives my blood racing through every part of my physical being. He causes my soul to ascend into realms of this Universe that I wasn't even sure existed. With him I feel like all things and anything is possible. There are no limits.
I feel like now, that I've found him, there is no one and nothing else. The only problem is he feels that he can't be with me. As I understand it, it has to do with him not allowing himself to be with anyone because of previous damage. He's afraid that he will destroy himself because of what happened last time he was in a relationship.
What frustrates me is I know that should he open himself to me, it would be the exact relationship he and I have always wanted.
Last night was incredible and frustrating. It was perfect and it was passionate. I could kiss him forever and hold him till my physical body gave way.
He and I both very stubborn but in complimentary ways. I won't let him get away with shit and he won't allow me to get away with shit. It would actually be funny to watch.
Something that I feel tears me apart though...is that if anyone.. saw us together... they would be moved to tears and smile... that I can feel...
Saturday, June 13, 2009
06/13/09
I know I haven't written. But I have been quite busy.
I've finally made the move. It was ridiculous and long. Fun none the less. Thanks in part to my mother who came over with me. Bless her.
Well here is a recap of me for the past 2 1/2 weeks. I have taken and passed my NCETMB :) So I am officially Nationally certified as a Massage Therapist! :)
As for work I have 2 job offers pending (not in massage. That will come after I've submitted my paper work, etc. for licensing). Once I begin working and making the money ;) I'll be looking for a place of my own. It'll either be just me (crosses fingers) or I'll be doing a room mate thing. Which isn't all bad.
When it comes to my love life, that has been, interesting? I guess. I am still completely infatuated with and most likely in love with Golden Boy (for reasons that are known to me and only one other person). Have I told him? No. That will not happen. Since I've moved out here I haven't heard a peep from him. So it's quite possible the situation is dead in the water.
I did meet a really nice guy when I was in San Diego visiting. Very good looking, an audiologist, and from Texas. We hit it off really well. Downside is that I was moving. Downside to that is I caught him telling a white lie. Being psychic does have its benefits I suppose.
Truth of it is, shit happens. Life happens. You can either go with it or just bitch about how bad it is. To be quite honest. Life is great. I'm in a city I love. I'm around people I love. The men will come and they will go. When its the right guy, he'll stay and feel I'm worth it to be with. It won't be one sided like it was in the past. LOL.
So.. right now.. the short of it is.. I'm happy.. pure and simple. :)
I've finally made the move. It was ridiculous and long. Fun none the less. Thanks in part to my mother who came over with me. Bless her.
Well here is a recap of me for the past 2 1/2 weeks. I have taken and passed my NCETMB :) So I am officially Nationally certified as a Massage Therapist! :)
As for work I have 2 job offers pending (not in massage. That will come after I've submitted my paper work, etc. for licensing). Once I begin working and making the money ;) I'll be looking for a place of my own. It'll either be just me (crosses fingers) or I'll be doing a room mate thing. Which isn't all bad.
When it comes to my love life, that has been, interesting? I guess. I am still completely infatuated with and most likely in love with Golden Boy (for reasons that are known to me and only one other person). Have I told him? No. That will not happen. Since I've moved out here I haven't heard a peep from him. So it's quite possible the situation is dead in the water.
I did meet a really nice guy when I was in San Diego visiting. Very good looking, an audiologist, and from Texas. We hit it off really well. Downside is that I was moving. Downside to that is I caught him telling a white lie. Being psychic does have its benefits I suppose.
Truth of it is, shit happens. Life happens. You can either go with it or just bitch about how bad it is. To be quite honest. Life is great. I'm in a city I love. I'm around people I love. The men will come and they will go. When its the right guy, he'll stay and feel I'm worth it to be with. It won't be one sided like it was in the past. LOL.
So.. right now.. the short of it is.. I'm happy.. pure and simple. :)
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
051809
Apparently I didn't write for yesterday about my evening of the 17th.
I meditated. Something I haven't been awake enough or even focused enough to do lately.
At first I had to force myself to get into it, but after the initial process, I fell right into it.
To be honest I've missed doing it. I've come to incorporate it into my being, almost to the point where its like oxygen for my soul specifically.
Not to get carried away, I had an interesting experience where questions were answered. Let us just say that it caused tears to fall; but in a good way.
I found my "other-half" so to speak. I even was able to converse with my Power Animal which was nice. I just feel so relieved with everything. I'm so over worrying about the small shit. It's all small shit to be honest.
I'd go into more detail, but it just feels so personal that I really can't share it at the moment. I have it written down in a hard copy of my journal. That'll have to suffice for now.
I meditated. Something I haven't been awake enough or even focused enough to do lately.
At first I had to force myself to get into it, but after the initial process, I fell right into it.
To be honest I've missed doing it. I've come to incorporate it into my being, almost to the point where its like oxygen for my soul specifically.
Not to get carried away, I had an interesting experience where questions were answered. Let us just say that it caused tears to fall; but in a good way.
I found my "other-half" so to speak. I even was able to converse with my Power Animal which was nice. I just feel so relieved with everything. I'm so over worrying about the small shit. It's all small shit to be honest.
I'd go into more detail, but it just feels so personal that I really can't share it at the moment. I have it written down in a hard copy of my journal. That'll have to suffice for now.
051909
Last night I did dream, but stupid me, I didn't write it down after it happened. I told myself "just sleep, you'll remember it when you wake up". Yeah...no. I just remember an image of me working on a project or doing something inside an apt/house. Its kinda fuzzy. BUT! I am getting better at recalling my dreams. So that's a start. Maybe something throughout the day will trigger it.
So I texted Stitch yesterday - but I heard nothing back. I'm thinking he is just doing his own thing. We did have a talk about the situation between him and I. He's a really great and sweet guy, but with me moving, it isn't going to work.
I'm reaching a point where I'm pretty okay with being alone. I know the desire for touch and affection is always there, but I'm not pressed to find the love of my life. I found him, I guess you could say, he just doesn't exist in this physical reality. It's a long story I think I may have touched on. I'm going to read through the other entries and see if I have. If not, I'll be adding to this.
So I texted Stitch yesterday - but I heard nothing back. I'm thinking he is just doing his own thing. We did have a talk about the situation between him and I. He's a really great and sweet guy, but with me moving, it isn't going to work.
I'm reaching a point where I'm pretty okay with being alone. I know the desire for touch and affection is always there, but I'm not pressed to find the love of my life. I found him, I guess you could say, he just doesn't exist in this physical reality. It's a long story I think I may have touched on. I'm going to read through the other entries and see if I have. If not, I'll be adding to this.
Sunday, May 17, 2009
051709
My weekend has been interesting. Quite emotional and slightly unnerving. But I managed.
I did dream last night - but I should have written it down right when I woke up (after I had it) because now its fuzzy. But I do believe it pertained to me meeting people and helping people after I move. Basically it was an affirmation type of dream that I'll be in D.C. soon. That everything will work out, etc.
I feel really good this morning. Calm and at ease.
As for my weekend, I went to the recruiting station for the Navy, but they were closed. So I took that as a sign to NOT do it. LOL. Then proceeded to the Airforce base with my father to pick up some items from the Commissary and the BX.
Going to the BX really took me back to being younger and in Japan. It made my head spin, I started to have a panic/anxiety attack. I wanted to dash out the door and just run; hoping the memories of my childhood woldn't be able to catch me.
Japan was a wonderful experience, but I don't know if I'd ever go back because of a lot of pain associated with it. However, one day I may need to go back, to release that pain.
I saw Stitch last night and we hung out. We both talked and learned more about one another. We expressed our feelings about my moving situation. He is a wonderful guy, but he understands tha I can't open up fully to him because I am moving. I don't want to get attached because it wouldn't be fair to him or me.
So we are still going to hang out and get to know each other. Anyway, about to start work in 45 mins. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that its a slow day :-D (hey, we all have dreams, haha).
I did dream last night - but I should have written it down right when I woke up (after I had it) because now its fuzzy. But I do believe it pertained to me meeting people and helping people after I move. Basically it was an affirmation type of dream that I'll be in D.C. soon. That everything will work out, etc.
I feel really good this morning. Calm and at ease.
As for my weekend, I went to the recruiting station for the Navy, but they were closed. So I took that as a sign to NOT do it. LOL. Then proceeded to the Airforce base with my father to pick up some items from the Commissary and the BX.
Going to the BX really took me back to being younger and in Japan. It made my head spin, I started to have a panic/anxiety attack. I wanted to dash out the door and just run; hoping the memories of my childhood woldn't be able to catch me.
Japan was a wonderful experience, but I don't know if I'd ever go back because of a lot of pain associated with it. However, one day I may need to go back, to release that pain.
I saw Stitch last night and we hung out. We both talked and learned more about one another. We expressed our feelings about my moving situation. He is a wonderful guy, but he understands tha I can't open up fully to him because I am moving. I don't want to get attached because it wouldn't be fair to him or me.
So we are still going to hang out and get to know each other. Anyway, about to start work in 45 mins. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that its a slow day :-D (hey, we all have dreams, haha).
Thursday, May 14, 2009
05/14/09
My dream last night was a little, odd. I even woke up at 359am because of it. The dream repeated itself after I went to sleep again.
I was here in my current desert dwelling and my parents were moving (which they are). In the dream though its like I didn't exist or they were forgetting about me (ignoring me maybe?).
I saw them moving into their new house where they'll be moving to. Then the dream comes back to me. It has me running through an empy parking lot at a mall I visit frequently. As I'm running I see my parents driving quickly away from the mall and then the sky becomes pitchblack. I'm talking on my cell phone to someone (possibly Golden Boy). Then I see it, its a pitch black sand storm. I'm running faster and faster to get into the mall before it overtakes me.
I'm at least 15ft from the doors and I'm consumed in blasting sand. I can't see anything. I close my eyes and "guide" myself to the doors. I pull them open and I'm in the ladies department of Dillards or Macy's then it switches to the auto store of Sears. The Mall is as empty as the parking lot; with a few associates just standing around.
There was more to the dream before this, but unfortunately its escaping me.
I was here in my current desert dwelling and my parents were moving (which they are). In the dream though its like I didn't exist or they were forgetting about me (ignoring me maybe?).
I saw them moving into their new house where they'll be moving to. Then the dream comes back to me. It has me running through an empy parking lot at a mall I visit frequently. As I'm running I see my parents driving quickly away from the mall and then the sky becomes pitchblack. I'm talking on my cell phone to someone (possibly Golden Boy). Then I see it, its a pitch black sand storm. I'm running faster and faster to get into the mall before it overtakes me.
I'm at least 15ft from the doors and I'm consumed in blasting sand. I can't see anything. I close my eyes and "guide" myself to the doors. I pull them open and I'm in the ladies department of Dillards or Macy's then it switches to the auto store of Sears. The Mall is as empty as the parking lot; with a few associates just standing around.
There was more to the dream before this, but unfortunately its escaping me.
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
05/13/09
My dream last night had me with (we'll call him Golden boy). We were walking through a glade, a clearing of some kind. We were walking on a trail spaced with trees. The leaves were a light green and thin enough that when the light would hit them, the area we were in would glow.
We were talking, as if going over life's questions, etc. I started to comment on the weather and how it was very warm. He then turned to me and handed me a copper box. It was slightly large. Large enough where it took both hands supporting the sides, as he handed it to me. It gleamed when the sun hit it. He said if what I had wasn't enough, to let him know, and he could give me more.
After that I woke up. I recalled a dream a friend had about being given a box made of steel or iron and her's was locked.
After I woke up I felt like sh!t. I felt like I had this heavy black blanket of negative energy all over me. I didn't want to move. I wanted to die, to be quite honest. I did some energy work, rang my chimes to resonate positive sound vibration, and burned some sage. After that I felt better. When I pulled myself together I sent a txt to Golden Boy asking him if he is familiar with a copper box. He said, "Ummmm...well, oddly enough I have a box that my Oma made me and the entire thing is completely line with pennies (copper), so yeah."
After he confirmed the copper box, I started to cry and shake uncontrollably. Almost as if I was grieving. This very different feeling opened up in the center of my chest. It was unreal.
We were talking, as if going over life's questions, etc. I started to comment on the weather and how it was very warm. He then turned to me and handed me a copper box. It was slightly large. Large enough where it took both hands supporting the sides, as he handed it to me. It gleamed when the sun hit it. He said if what I had wasn't enough, to let him know, and he could give me more.
After that I woke up. I recalled a dream a friend had about being given a box made of steel or iron and her's was locked.
After I woke up I felt like sh!t. I felt like I had this heavy black blanket of negative energy all over me. I didn't want to move. I wanted to die, to be quite honest. I did some energy work, rang my chimes to resonate positive sound vibration, and burned some sage. After that I felt better. When I pulled myself together I sent a txt to Golden Boy asking him if he is familiar with a copper box. He said, "Ummmm...well, oddly enough I have a box that my Oma made me and the entire thing is completely line with pennies (copper), so yeah."
After he confirmed the copper box, I started to cry and shake uncontrollably. Almost as if I was grieving. This very different feeling opened up in the center of my chest. It was unreal.
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
05/12/09
I am remembering my dreams again, well more vividly I should say. I had two dreams. The first I remembered, but then forgot. The second one had me running late for an event of some kind. While trying to get to the train station on time I hopped on a skateboard and was bookin' it. Then when I got to the train platform I realized my phone dropped out of my pocket some where.
I started to panic because my phone has all my contacts and personal info in it. But the train was coming and I could be late. I just figured I'd call the phone later to see who had it and if they'd return it.
I did "see" someone trying to access my phone, but they couldn't get the passcode correct. Which I was relieved for.
Then I woke up. So - lesson is probably to not make a big deal over something you can't do anything about. It is what it is and everything takes care of itself.
I started to panic because my phone has all my contacts and personal info in it. But the train was coming and I could be late. I just figured I'd call the phone later to see who had it and if they'd return it.
I did "see" someone trying to access my phone, but they couldn't get the passcode correct. Which I was relieved for.
Then I woke up. So - lesson is probably to not make a big deal over something you can't do anything about. It is what it is and everything takes care of itself.
Monday, May 11, 2009
In Touch...
Not until we are older do we often reflect on interactions we've had from our past.We review our past friendships, lovers and encounters. Random run-ins and timely coincidences.We may not always understand why certain people come into our lives, what purpose they serve, or why we went through an experience we did not plan for.What we do eventually process is the impact they did have on us, how ever slite. Sometimes the experience can be so profound that your encounter was only ever meant to happen the one time. Never to repeat itself.
I have encountered many different types of people. Some people with the biggest hearts and others with the shallowest souls. I've met people that have so much potential to positively affect this world but they choose to not and I've met others that would love to see it burn.Anyone who you see suffering from great or prolonged hatred, it is usually do to some extreme pain or hurt. A hurt that was not healed by either their own understanding of life or by the person who inflicted the pain.Something to understand is, that in life, you may never receive the apology you were looking for or hoping for.
We won't always hear the "I'm sorry" or be recognized by the person who caused us pain. The only person you can ever apologize to for any pain, is yourself. Healing the damage caused by another individual isn't always easy, but it's not impossible.
Most of the time the only reason we hold on to pain and wait for that apology, has to do with wanting that person to acknowledge us and the pain we feel they caused. We want them to admit they were wrong and to feel shame or embarassement. To tip the scales of power back into our favor. To have that person bend to our will once again; or to simply have them show us the respect that we gave to them. Through that acknowledgement we some how let go of hurt and are able to move on.
However depending on the severity of pain, an apology isn't always enough. The next step is then for us to deal with the emotion, or to have assistance from others.Don't discredit or discount anyone you meet. They may simply be here to help the healing process along. I guess where I'm going with this, is that pain isn't forever, hatred doesn't have to be the one thing that keeps you going, that loving with your heart open heals all wounds, and that taking every opportunity to meet people and find love, again and again, will see you through and make you a much better person; no matter where you are in your life.
There is two sides to everything: Emotional to Apathy, Hate to love, hurt to heal, "good" to "bad" (in however you view either of those words). They both exist to create an understanding of the other. When they say time heals all wounds. I'd have to disagree since time shares no relevance other than the relevance that we give it.
Healing begins with the individual who is hurt and wants to heal. When your bleeding because of a severe cut, the body begins the process of healing, but depending on the severity of the cut, YOU, have to take action to see that you heal properly and with the most care. If the situation is bad enough where you need help, you call for it. Then there are those situations that call for outside help to come and speak for you, when you can not. Healing starts with you, first and foremost. Not someone else. And when we are in need for additional love and healing, it comes...
I have encountered many different types of people. Some people with the biggest hearts and others with the shallowest souls. I've met people that have so much potential to positively affect this world but they choose to not and I've met others that would love to see it burn.Anyone who you see suffering from great or prolonged hatred, it is usually do to some extreme pain or hurt. A hurt that was not healed by either their own understanding of life or by the person who inflicted the pain.Something to understand is, that in life, you may never receive the apology you were looking for or hoping for.
We won't always hear the "I'm sorry" or be recognized by the person who caused us pain. The only person you can ever apologize to for any pain, is yourself. Healing the damage caused by another individual isn't always easy, but it's not impossible.
Most of the time the only reason we hold on to pain and wait for that apology, has to do with wanting that person to acknowledge us and the pain we feel they caused. We want them to admit they were wrong and to feel shame or embarassement. To tip the scales of power back into our favor. To have that person bend to our will once again; or to simply have them show us the respect that we gave to them. Through that acknowledgement we some how let go of hurt and are able to move on.
However depending on the severity of pain, an apology isn't always enough. The next step is then for us to deal with the emotion, or to have assistance from others.Don't discredit or discount anyone you meet. They may simply be here to help the healing process along. I guess where I'm going with this, is that pain isn't forever, hatred doesn't have to be the one thing that keeps you going, that loving with your heart open heals all wounds, and that taking every opportunity to meet people and find love, again and again, will see you through and make you a much better person; no matter where you are in your life.
There is two sides to everything: Emotional to Apathy, Hate to love, hurt to heal, "good" to "bad" (in however you view either of those words). They both exist to create an understanding of the other. When they say time heals all wounds. I'd have to disagree since time shares no relevance other than the relevance that we give it.
Healing begins with the individual who is hurt and wants to heal. When your bleeding because of a severe cut, the body begins the process of healing, but depending on the severity of the cut, YOU, have to take action to see that you heal properly and with the most care. If the situation is bad enough where you need help, you call for it. Then there are those situations that call for outside help to come and speak for you, when you can not. Healing starts with you, first and foremost. Not someone else. And when we are in need for additional love and healing, it comes...
Sunday, May 10, 2009
05/10/09 1110pm
Oh its been a rough couple of days. I've been on this emotional roller coaster of uncertainty.
Heck I'm even thinking of joining the military.
I've been dreaming, I know that much, but I'm choosing to not pay attention to them. Apparently I don't feel them worthy of my attention; which I should not feel that way. My dreams are usually always important. Even for their symbolism.
Things are going well with Stitch. Its funny. When we kiss I start to shake a little bit because I start to become nervous and my skin feels like electricity.
To be honest he scares me. In a really weird way. I can't quite explain that part.
I'm going to meet with a recruiter on Friday, so we'll see what happens... I'm hoping everything makes sense eventually. Cause I'm going to lose it soon.
Heck I'm even thinking of joining the military.
I've been dreaming, I know that much, but I'm choosing to not pay attention to them. Apparently I don't feel them worthy of my attention; which I should not feel that way. My dreams are usually always important. Even for their symbolism.
Things are going well with Stitch. Its funny. When we kiss I start to shake a little bit because I start to become nervous and my skin feels like electricity.
To be honest he scares me. In a really weird way. I can't quite explain that part.
I'm going to meet with a recruiter on Friday, so we'll see what happens... I'm hoping everything makes sense eventually. Cause I'm going to lose it soon.
Saturday, May 9, 2009
05/09/09 8:57pm
I honestly don't know what I'm going to do anymore. I'm very conflicted.
Do I join the military?
Do I move to Washington D.C.
Do I stay in Tucson and really work at making it here or give up?
Tonight is a full moon. Through some much needed meditations and ritual, I will hopefully find the answer. Hopefully....
Do I join the military?
Do I move to Washington D.C.
Do I stay in Tucson and really work at making it here or give up?
Tonight is a full moon. Through some much needed meditations and ritual, I will hopefully find the answer. Hopefully....
05/09/09
Last night I went out with Stitch again. It was our second date. We went and saw Star Trek because we are both nerdy like that. We had a very nice time; we stood outside after the movie to talk and then went to taco bell and got something small to eat. Then went to a park and just sat outside looking at the stars, etc.
When I dropped him off at his house, we shared our first kiss. It was awkward because we both weren't sure if we should or shouldn't, so we hugged and kissed each other on the cheek. Then we pulled away from each other, and both mentally said fuck it. He was shaking, it was cute. hehehe.
As for my dreams last night. I know that I did have a few, but I chose to forget them. They felt like they were there more for entertainment value, than to be of any real consequence. I know that the dreams had a dark undertone, that, I did not like. But I kinda feel they may have been a replay of my evening *shrugs*.
When I dropped him off at his house, we shared our first kiss. It was awkward because we both weren't sure if we should or shouldn't, so we hugged and kissed each other on the cheek. Then we pulled away from each other, and both mentally said fuck it. He was shaking, it was cute. hehehe.
As for my dreams last night. I know that I did have a few, but I chose to forget them. They felt like they were there more for entertainment value, than to be of any real consequence. I know that the dreams had a dark undertone, that, I did not like. But I kinda feel they may have been a replay of my evening *shrugs*.
Friday, May 8, 2009
05/08/09 11:50AM
Last night I went out on a date with a guy that I met last Thursday. Very nice guy. We had a lot of fun playing 20 questions and figuring each other out. We both enjoyed the other's company quite a bit.
Something funny happened while at dinner. The waiter during our meal kept making playful comments while he past our table. Well come to find out, he was gay too. He asked my date and I if we were on a date. Haha we both just kinda smiled and said "Yeah....?". LOL and the guy was like, "That's cool, I'm gay too..". Haha.. it was cute.
During dinner however, my date (we'll call him stitch), asked me what my favorite movie was. Well before I could come up with an answer, two images flashed into my head. Not as a thought from me, but they appeared kinda like on a movie screen? Is the best way I can describe it. The Fifth Element and The Notebook. Literally they came out of no where. So I said the titles and his mouth dropped. He was like, "The Fifth Element was the first movie I ever bought and it's one of my all time favorites, along with The Notebook.". I just kinda stopped there for a second and was like, wow. I'm really liking the fact that my psychic gifts are getting stronger. I just gotta keep up with the training.
But it was a fun date. We'll definitely be doing it again :) yay!
Something funny happened while at dinner. The waiter during our meal kept making playful comments while he past our table. Well come to find out, he was gay too. He asked my date and I if we were on a date. Haha we both just kinda smiled and said "Yeah....?". LOL and the guy was like, "That's cool, I'm gay too..". Haha.. it was cute.
During dinner however, my date (we'll call him stitch), asked me what my favorite movie was. Well before I could come up with an answer, two images flashed into my head. Not as a thought from me, but they appeared kinda like on a movie screen? Is the best way I can describe it. The Fifth Element and The Notebook. Literally they came out of no where. So I said the titles and his mouth dropped. He was like, "The Fifth Element was the first movie I ever bought and it's one of my all time favorites, along with The Notebook.". I just kinda stopped there for a second and was like, wow. I'm really liking the fact that my psychic gifts are getting stronger. I just gotta keep up with the training.
But it was a fun date. We'll definitely be doing it again :) yay!
05/08/09 444am
My dream last night has me bothered. In the dream it has my mother and I living in this house. Where we are at it is very humid and in the dream its raining.
Well throughout the dream we are getting a long fine; no fighting or arguing, etc. However half way through the dream she is standing next to me and has a blank look on her face. It starts to make me nervous and I ask her "Mom, are you okay?" she then looks at me, here eyes go a little black - almost hollow looking, and she just goes off. She starts yelling and belittles me. I mean at every turn she is just spewing all this negativity at me. Soo much pain does it cause.
So here is what I am thinking. They are getting to move and where ever they are going I shouldn't follow. Because it'll just be the same as it ever was. Something will set her off and then its all down hill. On the flip side this could also be an issue that I deal with when it comes to her. Her random up and down "I love you, I hate you" mood swings. *sigh* What am I going to do about this moving thing?? I know I just be concerned and I shouldn't be worried. I should just sit back, focus on my intent to move, and it will happen. Okay.. breathe J, just breathe.
Well throughout the dream we are getting a long fine; no fighting or arguing, etc. However half way through the dream she is standing next to me and has a blank look on her face. It starts to make me nervous and I ask her "Mom, are you okay?" she then looks at me, here eyes go a little black - almost hollow looking, and she just goes off. She starts yelling and belittles me. I mean at every turn she is just spewing all this negativity at me. Soo much pain does it cause.
So here is what I am thinking. They are getting to move and where ever they are going I shouldn't follow. Because it'll just be the same as it ever was. Something will set her off and then its all down hill. On the flip side this could also be an issue that I deal with when it comes to her. Her random up and down "I love you, I hate you" mood swings. *sigh* What am I going to do about this moving thing?? I know I just be concerned and I shouldn't be worried. I should just sit back, focus on my intent to move, and it will happen. Okay.. breathe J, just breathe.
Thursday, May 7, 2009
Odd @ 1048am
I don't know why, but while looking at my friends list on Facebook, I got this strange feeling of giving up. It is such a heavy and odd feeling to have out of no where.
Me no likey :(
Me no likey :(
05/07/09
Last night's dream had me in NYC. Personally, I'd like to think that I haled from there since it is where I feel that I was sort of reborn. Anyway, in the dream I am with (we'll call him Chulito) and we are talking about New Moon the movie. We have some playful banter and are going back and forth but then I start to irritated because he saw some Jacob and Edward shirts and didn't buy either of them.
Then I find us at the airport. Buying a plane ticket (I think to go see my sister and the baby - I think) we get stuck at the front counter cause the chick a head of us is talking to her friends. We are both like "Lady we are in a hurry, we don't mean to be rude but can you carry on the conversation after you've helped us?". The girl just looks at me and points the ticket buying Kiosk. Her two other friends flirt with me but then laugh.
Chulito and I then walk over to the kiosk. Then I get stuck because I can't remember the pin number to my credit card (6989 or 8968 - something like that). Long story short I finally get my plane ticket. Then as I'm grabbing my stuff for him and I to go, I come across this little machine. Now this will only sorta make sense if you've seen these types of things before at amusement parks or whatever. But its the machines that you put a coin in to try and knock something down or like a penny press machine. Well this one was two in one but for quarters. So the point was to put the quarter in the slot at the top, move the aiming piece towards the hole and get the quarter in.
Let's just say I was close enough to get it into the hole but it spun around then jumped out, haha. Bascially kids, don't throw your money away aimlessly.
Then I had some older couple looking at me. There look was one of recognition and pain.
Then I find us at the airport. Buying a plane ticket (I think to go see my sister and the baby - I think) we get stuck at the front counter cause the chick a head of us is talking to her friends. We are both like "Lady we are in a hurry, we don't mean to be rude but can you carry on the conversation after you've helped us?". The girl just looks at me and points the ticket buying Kiosk. Her two other friends flirt with me but then laugh.
Chulito and I then walk over to the kiosk. Then I get stuck because I can't remember the pin number to my credit card (6989 or 8968 - something like that). Long story short I finally get my plane ticket. Then as I'm grabbing my stuff for him and I to go, I come across this little machine. Now this will only sorta make sense if you've seen these types of things before at amusement parks or whatever. But its the machines that you put a coin in to try and knock something down or like a penny press machine. Well this one was two in one but for quarters. So the point was to put the quarter in the slot at the top, move the aiming piece towards the hole and get the quarter in.
Let's just say I was close enough to get it into the hole but it spun around then jumped out, haha. Bascially kids, don't throw your money away aimlessly.
Then I had some older couple looking at me. There look was one of recognition and pain.
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
05/06/09 8:04pm
4 Different Soul Types
So through some interesting research I've stumbled upon something that actually makes quite a bit of sense to me. It partially made me a little sad but at the same time somewhat relieved and excited.There are (supposedly) 4 different soul types. They are as follows:
Union
Omni
Dual
Multi Expressional
Here are there meanings:Union: Souls that were birthed as one. They were separated at the end of the density experience of Atlantis - literally split in half. They are seeking to reunify with their other soul-half. These souls seek deep Union with one who is carrying the same energy signature, literally their "other half". They may have had many marriages in their search for this Union. Often, they have held a lifelong rememberance of another "half". Most union souls will never give up on partnership, despite many perceived relationship failures.
Omni: Souls that have always remained as one experience of light throughout all density experiences. They are complete without a partner, being in fullness with the Divine always, although they may not be aware of this connection until later in life. Often this group tries to enter into relationships only to find them temporary. Until self-realized, they can be perceived as non-caring, quick to end relationships, or detached and leery of commitment. They are simply whole within themselves. They usually find peace through quiet communion with the Divine (or themselves, until fully realized). Omni souls make ideal nuns, monks, or solitary independent persons.
Dual: Souls birthe as one complete soul, yet have another Divine counterpart (similar to Twins). Different from the Union soul, they are whole as individuals yet find greater Divine Communion with their counterpart. Often confused with the Union soul, Dual souls are looking for their "cosmic twin" who, when found, may even look physically similar or alike. However, they can find earthly fulfillment without their counterpart, as may the Omni. Dual souls are in fact complete with themselves. They can also expand their recognition of consciousness in Sacred Partnership with their twin, similar to the dynamics of the Union Soul.
Multi-expressional: Souls that have always emboided many expression of light, and seek to incorporate all expressions. Birthed as one soul, they have the capacity to express in many ways, and often have done this through the universe. Multi-expressional souls have a built-in desire to integrate all of their experiences with as many as possible. It is ther way of bringing all experiences back to the Divine. This group often embraces polyamory and may find it challenging to stay in a committed relationship for very long. They love to exchange energy, and are best suited to be in partnership with one another, or with a fully realized Omni.
Now the Soul pairings would work as follows:
Union with Union
Omni with Omni or Multi-Expressional
Dual with Dual or Union
Multi-Expressional with Multi-Expressional or Omni
The whole purpose of posting this is to hopefully bring a better understanding of one's self, the relationship or pairing they look for, and to better understand why possible pairings in the past did not work out. And that its okay.
So through some interesting research I've stumbled upon something that actually makes quite a bit of sense to me. It partially made me a little sad but at the same time somewhat relieved and excited.There are (supposedly) 4 different soul types. They are as follows:
Union
Omni
Dual
Multi Expressional
Here are there meanings:Union: Souls that were birthed as one. They were separated at the end of the density experience of Atlantis - literally split in half. They are seeking to reunify with their other soul-half. These souls seek deep Union with one who is carrying the same energy signature, literally their "other half". They may have had many marriages in their search for this Union. Often, they have held a lifelong rememberance of another "half". Most union souls will never give up on partnership, despite many perceived relationship failures.
Omni: Souls that have always remained as one experience of light throughout all density experiences. They are complete without a partner, being in fullness with the Divine always, although they may not be aware of this connection until later in life. Often this group tries to enter into relationships only to find them temporary. Until self-realized, they can be perceived as non-caring, quick to end relationships, or detached and leery of commitment. They are simply whole within themselves. They usually find peace through quiet communion with the Divine (or themselves, until fully realized). Omni souls make ideal nuns, monks, or solitary independent persons.
Dual: Souls birthe as one complete soul, yet have another Divine counterpart (similar to Twins). Different from the Union soul, they are whole as individuals yet find greater Divine Communion with their counterpart. Often confused with the Union soul, Dual souls are looking for their "cosmic twin" who, when found, may even look physically similar or alike. However, they can find earthly fulfillment without their counterpart, as may the Omni. Dual souls are in fact complete with themselves. They can also expand their recognition of consciousness in Sacred Partnership with their twin, similar to the dynamics of the Union Soul.
Multi-expressional: Souls that have always emboided many expression of light, and seek to incorporate all expressions. Birthed as one soul, they have the capacity to express in many ways, and often have done this through the universe. Multi-expressional souls have a built-in desire to integrate all of their experiences with as many as possible. It is ther way of bringing all experiences back to the Divine. This group often embraces polyamory and may find it challenging to stay in a committed relationship for very long. They love to exchange energy, and are best suited to be in partnership with one another, or with a fully realized Omni.
Now the Soul pairings would work as follows:
Union with Union
Omni with Omni or Multi-Expressional
Dual with Dual or Union
Multi-Expressional with Multi-Expressional or Omni
The whole purpose of posting this is to hopefully bring a better understanding of one's self, the relationship or pairing they look for, and to better understand why possible pairings in the past did not work out. And that its okay.
05/06/09 5:58pm
I work in a call center. I handle bill payments and processing. I even assist customers with their services and transfer to other departments as necessary.
Well today I get a call from a man who was put into a Psychiatric Facility by two female family members. He calls in to ask about his bill. Very casual, very calm. Not even seeming as to be slightly off his rocker. Then he tells me this, "You are Jesus. On 01/2013 you will rise. Do not move. You are where you are supposed to be. Remember 2525." Then he was like so when can I pay my bill, etc. So I do what I can to keep it together and not appear freaked out in the slightest.
This was by far the strangest call I've ever received. I'll have to admit that I have seen, done, and experienced strange and odd things. Some things not always explainable. But this was a first I'll tell you that much.
Straaaaaaange day.
Well today I get a call from a man who was put into a Psychiatric Facility by two female family members. He calls in to ask about his bill. Very casual, very calm. Not even seeming as to be slightly off his rocker. Then he tells me this, "You are Jesus. On 01/2013 you will rise. Do not move. You are where you are supposed to be. Remember 2525." Then he was like so when can I pay my bill, etc. So I do what I can to keep it together and not appear freaked out in the slightest.
This was by far the strangest call I've ever received. I'll have to admit that I have seen, done, and experienced strange and odd things. Some things not always explainable. But this was a first I'll tell you that much.
Straaaaaaange day.
5/6/09
So today is the beginning of a new blog. A new place to write down all my thoughts, feelings, dreams, and emotions.
To start off - Last night I dreamed there was no internet in our home, but I had my wireless port. In the past when ever we set up my wireless router none of the other computers, which worked off a hard line, would work. Naturally my dad didn't want me using the wireless router. In the dream however I said, "I can fix this, let me try". After some convincing he allowed me to set it up and everything worked.
In my second dream it was more about being at a place that looked like a Oceanside Carnival or Fair with a broken down Beach resort or a resort that looked like it was hit by a tropical storm and no one ever cleaned the outside. The inside however was beautiful.
There was a huge concert pit in the middle of this thing. In the dream the man I am with switches back and forth between two men that I have or still have strong feelings for. It was so beautiful and so nice when I would kiss him (them - because the person would change back and forth). Still working on the meaning of this one. Also a friend of mine (we'll call her Meli) was sitting at a wooden desk placed in the sand. The shore and ocean right in front of her. She wrote with a pen quil. She looked so deep in thought as if she was allowing herself to let go of a lot as she was writing on the parchment.
The first one I feel has to do with me proving myself. That I do have an awareness or consciousness of how things work and that even though people will doubt me and some things may not work out the first time around, I shouldn't give up on it. I should trust myself more and believe in that.
Second dream is still pending interpretation....
To start off - Last night I dreamed there was no internet in our home, but I had my wireless port. In the past when ever we set up my wireless router none of the other computers, which worked off a hard line, would work. Naturally my dad didn't want me using the wireless router. In the dream however I said, "I can fix this, let me try". After some convincing he allowed me to set it up and everything worked.
In my second dream it was more about being at a place that looked like a Oceanside Carnival or Fair with a broken down Beach resort or a resort that looked like it was hit by a tropical storm and no one ever cleaned the outside. The inside however was beautiful.
There was a huge concert pit in the middle of this thing. In the dream the man I am with switches back and forth between two men that I have or still have strong feelings for. It was so beautiful and so nice when I would kiss him (them - because the person would change back and forth). Still working on the meaning of this one. Also a friend of mine (we'll call her Meli) was sitting at a wooden desk placed in the sand. The shore and ocean right in front of her. She wrote with a pen quil. She looked so deep in thought as if she was allowing herself to let go of a lot as she was writing on the parchment.
The first one I feel has to do with me proving myself. That I do have an awareness or consciousness of how things work and that even though people will doubt me and some things may not work out the first time around, I shouldn't give up on it. I should trust myself more and believe in that.
Second dream is still pending interpretation....
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