051809

Apparently I didn't write for yesterday about my evening of the 17th.

I meditated. Something I haven't been awake enough or even focused enough to do lately.

At first I had to force myself to get into it, but after the initial process, I fell right into it.

To be honest I've missed doing it. I've come to incorporate it into my being, almost to the point where its like oxygen for my soul specifically.

Not to get carried away, I had an interesting experience where questions were answered. Let us just say that it caused tears to fall; but in a good way.

I found my "other-half" so to speak. I even was able to converse with my Power Animal which was nice. I just feel so relieved with everything. I'm so over worrying about the small shit. It's all small shit to be honest.

I'd go into more detail, but it just feels so personal that I really can't share it at the moment. I have it written down in a hard copy of my journal. That'll have to suffice for now.

051909

Last night I did dream, but stupid me, I didn't write it down after it happened. I told myself "just sleep, you'll remember it when you wake up". Yeah...no. I just remember an image of me working on a project or doing something inside an apt/house. Its kinda fuzzy. BUT! I am getting better at recalling my dreams. So that's a start. Maybe something throughout the day will trigger it.

So I texted Stitch yesterday - but I heard nothing back. I'm thinking he is just doing his own thing. We did have a talk about the situation between him and I. He's a really great and sweet guy, but with me moving, it isn't going to work.

I'm reaching a point where I'm pretty okay with being alone. I know the desire for touch and affection is always there, but I'm not pressed to find the love of my life. I found him, I guess you could say, he just doesn't exist in this physical reality. It's a long story I think I may have touched on. I'm going to read through the other entries and see if I have. If not, I'll be adding to this.

051709

My weekend has been interesting. Quite emotional and slightly unnerving. But I managed.

I did dream last night - but I should have written it down right when I woke up (after I had it) because now its fuzzy. But I do believe it pertained to me meeting people and helping people after I move. Basically it was an affirmation type of dream that I'll be in D.C. soon. That everything will work out, etc.

I feel really good this morning. Calm and at ease.

As for my weekend, I went to the recruiting station for the Navy, but they were closed. So I took that as a sign to NOT do it. LOL. Then proceeded to the Airforce base with my father to pick up some items from the Commissary and the BX.

Going to the BX really took me back to being younger and in Japan. It made my head spin, I started to have a panic/anxiety attack. I wanted to dash out the door and just run; hoping the memories of my childhood woldn't be able to catch me.

Japan was a wonderful experience, but I don't know if I'd ever go back because of a lot of pain associated with it. However, one day I may need to go back, to release that pain.

I saw Stitch last night and we hung out. We both talked and learned more about one another. We expressed our feelings about my moving situation. He is a wonderful guy, but he understands tha I can't open up fully to him because I am moving. I don't want to get attached because it wouldn't be fair to him or me.

So we are still going to hang out and get to know each other. Anyway, about to start work in 45 mins. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that its a slow day :-D (hey, we all have dreams, haha).