I feel like I can't keep up...

Last night my friend CuntyBlackWoman went out to a club. We had a few drinks, enjoyed the music, enjoyed the eye candy of naked men dancing about. (Honestly nudity doesn't bother me - it was more fun to see the old guys oogle like wolves at a chicken coop at the naked men. They didn't do nothing for me.)

I had a great time but I have come to discover that alcohol, when I drink, causes me to go into a down ward spiral or depressed funk. So I will be putting a hault on that fun train; but I will still dance :).

Today I have been mulling things over in my head and I've come to a conclusion. I am tired. My heart can't keep up anymore.

I feel that I may be, sadly, reaching that point to where I really don't care if and possibly don't want love to happen for me. After meeting Golden Boy I honestly felt like he was it; or, IS it.

A big part of me still believes it to be true. How long though till I find out? I mean according to my dreams and the visions I have, he is it. But how much of what I see is objective and subjective? Where does the line blur between truth and desire?

I am officially wiped out. Love - do what you will.