I honestly don't know what I'm going to do anymore. I'm very conflicted.
Do I join the military?
Do I move to Washington D.C.
Do I stay in Tucson and really work at making it here or give up?
Tonight is a full moon. Through some much needed meditations and ritual, I will hopefully find the answer. Hopefully....
Saturday, May 9, 2009
05/09/09
Last night I went out with Stitch again. It was our second date. We went and saw Star Trek because we are both nerdy like that. We had a very nice time; we stood outside after the movie to talk and then went to taco bell and got something small to eat. Then went to a park and just sat outside looking at the stars, etc.
When I dropped him off at his house, we shared our first kiss. It was awkward because we both weren't sure if we should or shouldn't, so we hugged and kissed each other on the cheek. Then we pulled away from each other, and both mentally said fuck it. He was shaking, it was cute. hehehe.
As for my dreams last night. I know that I did have a few, but I chose to forget them. They felt like they were there more for entertainment value, than to be of any real consequence. I know that the dreams had a dark undertone, that, I did not like. But I kinda feel they may have been a replay of my evening *shrugs*.
When I dropped him off at his house, we shared our first kiss. It was awkward because we both weren't sure if we should or shouldn't, so we hugged and kissed each other on the cheek. Then we pulled away from each other, and both mentally said fuck it. He was shaking, it was cute. hehehe.
As for my dreams last night. I know that I did have a few, but I chose to forget them. They felt like they were there more for entertainment value, than to be of any real consequence. I know that the dreams had a dark undertone, that, I did not like. But I kinda feel they may have been a replay of my evening *shrugs*.
Friday, May 8, 2009
05/08/09 11:50AM
Last night I went out on a date with a guy that I met last Thursday. Very nice guy. We had a lot of fun playing 20 questions and figuring each other out. We both enjoyed the other's company quite a bit.
Something funny happened while at dinner. The waiter during our meal kept making playful comments while he past our table. Well come to find out, he was gay too. He asked my date and I if we were on a date. Haha we both just kinda smiled and said "Yeah....?". LOL and the guy was like, "That's cool, I'm gay too..". Haha.. it was cute.
During dinner however, my date (we'll call him stitch), asked me what my favorite movie was. Well before I could come up with an answer, two images flashed into my head. Not as a thought from me, but they appeared kinda like on a movie screen? Is the best way I can describe it. The Fifth Element and The Notebook. Literally they came out of no where. So I said the titles and his mouth dropped. He was like, "The Fifth Element was the first movie I ever bought and it's one of my all time favorites, along with The Notebook.". I just kinda stopped there for a second and was like, wow. I'm really liking the fact that my psychic gifts are getting stronger. I just gotta keep up with the training.
But it was a fun date. We'll definitely be doing it again :) yay!
Something funny happened while at dinner. The waiter during our meal kept making playful comments while he past our table. Well come to find out, he was gay too. He asked my date and I if we were on a date. Haha we both just kinda smiled and said "Yeah....?". LOL and the guy was like, "That's cool, I'm gay too..". Haha.. it was cute.
During dinner however, my date (we'll call him stitch), asked me what my favorite movie was. Well before I could come up with an answer, two images flashed into my head. Not as a thought from me, but they appeared kinda like on a movie screen? Is the best way I can describe it. The Fifth Element and The Notebook. Literally they came out of no where. So I said the titles and his mouth dropped. He was like, "The Fifth Element was the first movie I ever bought and it's one of my all time favorites, along with The Notebook.". I just kinda stopped there for a second and was like, wow. I'm really liking the fact that my psychic gifts are getting stronger. I just gotta keep up with the training.
But it was a fun date. We'll definitely be doing it again :) yay!
05/08/09 444am
My dream last night has me bothered. In the dream it has my mother and I living in this house. Where we are at it is very humid and in the dream its raining.
Well throughout the dream we are getting a long fine; no fighting or arguing, etc. However half way through the dream she is standing next to me and has a blank look on her face. It starts to make me nervous and I ask her "Mom, are you okay?" she then looks at me, here eyes go a little black - almost hollow looking, and she just goes off. She starts yelling and belittles me. I mean at every turn she is just spewing all this negativity at me. Soo much pain does it cause.
So here is what I am thinking. They are getting to move and where ever they are going I shouldn't follow. Because it'll just be the same as it ever was. Something will set her off and then its all down hill. On the flip side this could also be an issue that I deal with when it comes to her. Her random up and down "I love you, I hate you" mood swings. *sigh* What am I going to do about this moving thing?? I know I just be concerned and I shouldn't be worried. I should just sit back, focus on my intent to move, and it will happen. Okay.. breathe J, just breathe.
Well throughout the dream we are getting a long fine; no fighting or arguing, etc. However half way through the dream she is standing next to me and has a blank look on her face. It starts to make me nervous and I ask her "Mom, are you okay?" she then looks at me, here eyes go a little black - almost hollow looking, and she just goes off. She starts yelling and belittles me. I mean at every turn she is just spewing all this negativity at me. Soo much pain does it cause.
So here is what I am thinking. They are getting to move and where ever they are going I shouldn't follow. Because it'll just be the same as it ever was. Something will set her off and then its all down hill. On the flip side this could also be an issue that I deal with when it comes to her. Her random up and down "I love you, I hate you" mood swings. *sigh* What am I going to do about this moving thing?? I know I just be concerned and I shouldn't be worried. I should just sit back, focus on my intent to move, and it will happen. Okay.. breathe J, just breathe.
Thursday, May 7, 2009
Odd @ 1048am
I don't know why, but while looking at my friends list on Facebook, I got this strange feeling of giving up. It is such a heavy and odd feeling to have out of no where.
Me no likey :(
Me no likey :(
05/07/09
Last night's dream had me in NYC. Personally, I'd like to think that I haled from there since it is where I feel that I was sort of reborn. Anyway, in the dream I am with (we'll call him Chulito) and we are talking about New Moon the movie. We have some playful banter and are going back and forth but then I start to irritated because he saw some Jacob and Edward shirts and didn't buy either of them.
Then I find us at the airport. Buying a plane ticket (I think to go see my sister and the baby - I think) we get stuck at the front counter cause the chick a head of us is talking to her friends. We are both like "Lady we are in a hurry, we don't mean to be rude but can you carry on the conversation after you've helped us?". The girl just looks at me and points the ticket buying Kiosk. Her two other friends flirt with me but then laugh.
Chulito and I then walk over to the kiosk. Then I get stuck because I can't remember the pin number to my credit card (6989 or 8968 - something like that). Long story short I finally get my plane ticket. Then as I'm grabbing my stuff for him and I to go, I come across this little machine. Now this will only sorta make sense if you've seen these types of things before at amusement parks or whatever. But its the machines that you put a coin in to try and knock something down or like a penny press machine. Well this one was two in one but for quarters. So the point was to put the quarter in the slot at the top, move the aiming piece towards the hole and get the quarter in.
Let's just say I was close enough to get it into the hole but it spun around then jumped out, haha. Bascially kids, don't throw your money away aimlessly.
Then I had some older couple looking at me. There look was one of recognition and pain.
Then I find us at the airport. Buying a plane ticket (I think to go see my sister and the baby - I think) we get stuck at the front counter cause the chick a head of us is talking to her friends. We are both like "Lady we are in a hurry, we don't mean to be rude but can you carry on the conversation after you've helped us?". The girl just looks at me and points the ticket buying Kiosk. Her two other friends flirt with me but then laugh.
Chulito and I then walk over to the kiosk. Then I get stuck because I can't remember the pin number to my credit card (6989 or 8968 - something like that). Long story short I finally get my plane ticket. Then as I'm grabbing my stuff for him and I to go, I come across this little machine. Now this will only sorta make sense if you've seen these types of things before at amusement parks or whatever. But its the machines that you put a coin in to try and knock something down or like a penny press machine. Well this one was two in one but for quarters. So the point was to put the quarter in the slot at the top, move the aiming piece towards the hole and get the quarter in.
Let's just say I was close enough to get it into the hole but it spun around then jumped out, haha. Bascially kids, don't throw your money away aimlessly.
Then I had some older couple looking at me. There look was one of recognition and pain.
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
05/06/09 8:04pm
4 Different Soul Types
So through some interesting research I've stumbled upon something that actually makes quite a bit of sense to me. It partially made me a little sad but at the same time somewhat relieved and excited.There are (supposedly) 4 different soul types. They are as follows:
Union
Omni
Dual
Multi Expressional
Here are there meanings:Union: Souls that were birthed as one. They were separated at the end of the density experience of Atlantis - literally split in half. They are seeking to reunify with their other soul-half. These souls seek deep Union with one who is carrying the same energy signature, literally their "other half". They may have had many marriages in their search for this Union. Often, they have held a lifelong rememberance of another "half". Most union souls will never give up on partnership, despite many perceived relationship failures.
Omni: Souls that have always remained as one experience of light throughout all density experiences. They are complete without a partner, being in fullness with the Divine always, although they may not be aware of this connection until later in life. Often this group tries to enter into relationships only to find them temporary. Until self-realized, they can be perceived as non-caring, quick to end relationships, or detached and leery of commitment. They are simply whole within themselves. They usually find peace through quiet communion with the Divine (or themselves, until fully realized). Omni souls make ideal nuns, monks, or solitary independent persons.
Dual: Souls birthe as one complete soul, yet have another Divine counterpart (similar to Twins). Different from the Union soul, they are whole as individuals yet find greater Divine Communion with their counterpart. Often confused with the Union soul, Dual souls are looking for their "cosmic twin" who, when found, may even look physically similar or alike. However, they can find earthly fulfillment without their counterpart, as may the Omni. Dual souls are in fact complete with themselves. They can also expand their recognition of consciousness in Sacred Partnership with their twin, similar to the dynamics of the Union Soul.
Multi-expressional: Souls that have always emboided many expression of light, and seek to incorporate all expressions. Birthed as one soul, they have the capacity to express in many ways, and often have done this through the universe. Multi-expressional souls have a built-in desire to integrate all of their experiences with as many as possible. It is ther way of bringing all experiences back to the Divine. This group often embraces polyamory and may find it challenging to stay in a committed relationship for very long. They love to exchange energy, and are best suited to be in partnership with one another, or with a fully realized Omni.
Now the Soul pairings would work as follows:
Union with Union
Omni with Omni or Multi-Expressional
Dual with Dual or Union
Multi-Expressional with Multi-Expressional or Omni
The whole purpose of posting this is to hopefully bring a better understanding of one's self, the relationship or pairing they look for, and to better understand why possible pairings in the past did not work out. And that its okay.
So through some interesting research I've stumbled upon something that actually makes quite a bit of sense to me. It partially made me a little sad but at the same time somewhat relieved and excited.There are (supposedly) 4 different soul types. They are as follows:
Union
Omni
Dual
Multi Expressional
Here are there meanings:Union: Souls that were birthed as one. They were separated at the end of the density experience of Atlantis - literally split in half. They are seeking to reunify with their other soul-half. These souls seek deep Union with one who is carrying the same energy signature, literally their "other half". They may have had many marriages in their search for this Union. Often, they have held a lifelong rememberance of another "half". Most union souls will never give up on partnership, despite many perceived relationship failures.
Omni: Souls that have always remained as one experience of light throughout all density experiences. They are complete without a partner, being in fullness with the Divine always, although they may not be aware of this connection until later in life. Often this group tries to enter into relationships only to find them temporary. Until self-realized, they can be perceived as non-caring, quick to end relationships, or detached and leery of commitment. They are simply whole within themselves. They usually find peace through quiet communion with the Divine (or themselves, until fully realized). Omni souls make ideal nuns, monks, or solitary independent persons.
Dual: Souls birthe as one complete soul, yet have another Divine counterpart (similar to Twins). Different from the Union soul, they are whole as individuals yet find greater Divine Communion with their counterpart. Often confused with the Union soul, Dual souls are looking for their "cosmic twin" who, when found, may even look physically similar or alike. However, they can find earthly fulfillment without their counterpart, as may the Omni. Dual souls are in fact complete with themselves. They can also expand their recognition of consciousness in Sacred Partnership with their twin, similar to the dynamics of the Union Soul.
Multi-expressional: Souls that have always emboided many expression of light, and seek to incorporate all expressions. Birthed as one soul, they have the capacity to express in many ways, and often have done this through the universe. Multi-expressional souls have a built-in desire to integrate all of their experiences with as many as possible. It is ther way of bringing all experiences back to the Divine. This group often embraces polyamory and may find it challenging to stay in a committed relationship for very long. They love to exchange energy, and are best suited to be in partnership with one another, or with a fully realized Omni.
Now the Soul pairings would work as follows:
Union with Union
Omni with Omni or Multi-Expressional
Dual with Dual or Union
Multi-Expressional with Multi-Expressional or Omni
The whole purpose of posting this is to hopefully bring a better understanding of one's self, the relationship or pairing they look for, and to better understand why possible pairings in the past did not work out. And that its okay.
05/06/09 5:58pm
I work in a call center. I handle bill payments and processing. I even assist customers with their services and transfer to other departments as necessary.
Well today I get a call from a man who was put into a Psychiatric Facility by two female family members. He calls in to ask about his bill. Very casual, very calm. Not even seeming as to be slightly off his rocker. Then he tells me this, "You are Jesus. On 01/2013 you will rise. Do not move. You are where you are supposed to be. Remember 2525." Then he was like so when can I pay my bill, etc. So I do what I can to keep it together and not appear freaked out in the slightest.
This was by far the strangest call I've ever received. I'll have to admit that I have seen, done, and experienced strange and odd things. Some things not always explainable. But this was a first I'll tell you that much.
Straaaaaaange day.
Well today I get a call from a man who was put into a Psychiatric Facility by two female family members. He calls in to ask about his bill. Very casual, very calm. Not even seeming as to be slightly off his rocker. Then he tells me this, "You are Jesus. On 01/2013 you will rise. Do not move. You are where you are supposed to be. Remember 2525." Then he was like so when can I pay my bill, etc. So I do what I can to keep it together and not appear freaked out in the slightest.
This was by far the strangest call I've ever received. I'll have to admit that I have seen, done, and experienced strange and odd things. Some things not always explainable. But this was a first I'll tell you that much.
Straaaaaaange day.
5/6/09
So today is the beginning of a new blog. A new place to write down all my thoughts, feelings, dreams, and emotions.
To start off - Last night I dreamed there was no internet in our home, but I had my wireless port. In the past when ever we set up my wireless router none of the other computers, which worked off a hard line, would work. Naturally my dad didn't want me using the wireless router. In the dream however I said, "I can fix this, let me try". After some convincing he allowed me to set it up and everything worked.
In my second dream it was more about being at a place that looked like a Oceanside Carnival or Fair with a broken down Beach resort or a resort that looked like it was hit by a tropical storm and no one ever cleaned the outside. The inside however was beautiful.
There was a huge concert pit in the middle of this thing. In the dream the man I am with switches back and forth between two men that I have or still have strong feelings for. It was so beautiful and so nice when I would kiss him (them - because the person would change back and forth). Still working on the meaning of this one. Also a friend of mine (we'll call her Meli) was sitting at a wooden desk placed in the sand. The shore and ocean right in front of her. She wrote with a pen quil. She looked so deep in thought as if she was allowing herself to let go of a lot as she was writing on the parchment.
The first one I feel has to do with me proving myself. That I do have an awareness or consciousness of how things work and that even though people will doubt me and some things may not work out the first time around, I shouldn't give up on it. I should trust myself more and believe in that.
Second dream is still pending interpretation....
To start off - Last night I dreamed there was no internet in our home, but I had my wireless port. In the past when ever we set up my wireless router none of the other computers, which worked off a hard line, would work. Naturally my dad didn't want me using the wireless router. In the dream however I said, "I can fix this, let me try". After some convincing he allowed me to set it up and everything worked.
In my second dream it was more about being at a place that looked like a Oceanside Carnival or Fair with a broken down Beach resort or a resort that looked like it was hit by a tropical storm and no one ever cleaned the outside. The inside however was beautiful.
There was a huge concert pit in the middle of this thing. In the dream the man I am with switches back and forth between two men that I have or still have strong feelings for. It was so beautiful and so nice when I would kiss him (them - because the person would change back and forth). Still working on the meaning of this one. Also a friend of mine (we'll call her Meli) was sitting at a wooden desk placed in the sand. The shore and ocean right in front of her. She wrote with a pen quil. She looked so deep in thought as if she was allowing herself to let go of a lot as she was writing on the parchment.
The first one I feel has to do with me proving myself. That I do have an awareness or consciousness of how things work and that even though people will doubt me and some things may not work out the first time around, I shouldn't give up on it. I should trust myself more and believe in that.
Second dream is still pending interpretation....
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